


There's Something About Seirin

by half_sleeping



Category: Kuroko no Basuke | Kuroko's Basketball
Genre: Crack, Gen, idiots being idiots, school festival, yeah these dudes are high school boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-07-21
Updated: 2013-03-24
Packaged: 2017-11-10 09:54:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/464983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/half_sleeping/pseuds/half_sleeping
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Seirin's school festival, and the circus that is now Kagami's life.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“I don’t care that I’m not on the team anymore,” said Kasamatsu. “I want to know what the hell you think you’re trying to do, skipping practice and forcing me to come with you to Seirin’s school festival.”

“It’s Seirin’s school festival!” said Kise. “Kurokochi and Kagamichi will be there! We have to go!”

“That only explains you,” said Kasamatsu. “And don’t think you can just skip all your practice and go, either, you have to have a _valid_ reason.”

Kise brandished his phone at him too violently for him to actually see anything. “Momochi says that Kagamichi’s and Kurokochi’s class is doing a café! Kagamichi’s cooking!”

“Keep going,” said Kasamatsu, arms crossed.

“It’s a cross-dressing dessert crepe café,” said Kise. “They’re going to be serving while wearing girl costumes. Kagamichi is going to be cooking crepes in a dress. Touou’s already on their way, and _Momochi never shares her pictures_.”

“What the hell are we standing around for,” said Kasamatsu. “Let’s catch the bus.”

.0.

“Coach,” said Kagami. “ _Do something_. They won’t leave and they won’t shut up and Kise isn’t even eating his food, he’s just smearing it over it the plate.”

“It’s an open festival. I can’t complain about other schools coming here to enrich our school’s coffers,” said Riko. “I’m pretty sure I can divert any excesses to the club down in student council, they’re collectively in love with us now. We could have a weights program! _Three_ camps next year! Shut your mouth and take their money. And I’ll take a chocolate with whipped cream.”

"Yeah,” said Aomine, grinning. “Shut your mouth and cook our crepes.”

“I have to say I was expecting a better dress,” said Kise. “Nothing in your size, Kagamichi?”

“They did a better job with _Murasakibara’s_ dress,” said Aomine.

“We had a hell of a time finding that one, though,” said Kise. “In the end we had to shove him at the sewing club and we’re just lucky the vice-president enjoyed the challenge.”

“It’s better than Kiyoshi in a dress,” said Imayoshi, idly. They’d set up a defacto captain’s table, just close enough to the Miracle table to supervise but far enough to be able to ignore any bits of horrifying conversation they happened to overhear. Riko joined them at it. “It may have been better in person, I wouldn’t know. But the pictures were horrible. Absolutely horrible. I remember Hanamiya-kun couldn’t put them down.”

“It was horrible in person,” said Ootsubo. “His class was doing a kissing booth and their main attraction was Kiyoshi in a dress. So much smeared lipstick, and that guy wouldn’t stop _smiling_. I’ve never seen girls line up like that, though. Until now,” he amended, looking at the line forming outside class 1-B, as they peeked into the classroom and twittered on about Kise and his table of basketball stars.

“Is _that_ why Teppei wanted a kissing booth?” said Riko. “I’m so glad we vetoed that in committee.”

“Those pictures were everywhere that year,” said Imayoshi. “If you wanted revenue, you should have gone with his idea. The news spread so a lot of other teams came just to see if it was really true.”

“You mean,” said Riko. “Like this, right now? All of you here, taking up space and visiting our booths and spending your money?”

“Ha,” said Kasamatsu, and brushed crumbs from his shirt. “Well-played.”

“You’re going, sempai?” said Kise, who showed no signs of leaving, or even of stopping playing with his food, something everyone could see Kagami was dying to shout at him for.

“I’ve seen what I came to see,” said Kasamatsu dryly. “Take the rest of my coupon book, and feel free to spend it all in one place.”

“Thank you sempai,” said Kise sweetly, and Imayoshi heaved a giant sigh.

“We could have had you,” he said. “We could have had a polite good-looking ace who doesn’t punch people he doesn’t like and probably wouldn’t steal Sakurai’s lunch.”

“Kaijou’s flexible about my modeling,” said Kise. “I like it there.”

“Is there something wrong with me?” said Aomine, biting down on his plastic fork.

“There’s everything wrong with you,” said Imayoshi sincerely.

“You don’t have Midorima,” said Ootsubo. “Count your blessings.”

Kise and Aomine and Momoi all laughed, with varying degrees of meanness.

“Midorin never changes, does he?” said Momoi.

“So much better you than us,” said Kise.

“I don’t know how you people stand it,” said Aomine. “He’s horrible.”

“You understand he’s here, right,” said Ootsubo. “He just dragged Takao off because he wanted to see the fortuneteller booth first. We’re meeting here.”

“He loves the fortuneteller booth,” said Kuroko, clearing their table pointedly. “He made his class do it every year.”

“Every damn year,” said Aomine.

“You never participated,” said Momoi. “So I don’t know what you have to complain about. And he’s really accurate, the girls loved it.”

“He’d make _charts_ ,” said Aomine. “We’d sell lucky charms! They were so superstitious some of them kept salt on their desks!”

“We really lucked out with you, didn’t we,” said Kagami to Kuroko, who picked up another three plates of Aomine’s order from the girls decorating them and stuffed the sky blue coupons they were using for money into the box. “We could have gotten one of these crazy people.”

“You’re the one wearing a dress,” said Aomine.

“You’re the one who came all the way here to watch me in a dress,” said Kagami, an unanswerable argument.

“Also the crepes,” said Kise. “They’re delicious _and_ adorable.” He twinkled at the girls behind the makeshift counter in their severe pants with their hair put up out of the way, and they blushed and giggled.  

“This is great, Kagami-kun,” one of them said to him as he formed crepes on the burner with the practiced motions of a pro. “We’re getting so much attention! Your friends are so good for business!”

“They are not my friends,” said Kagami leadenly, but he’d bargained for the least embarrassing dress they’d found and absolutely no makeup in exchange for doing the cooking most of the time, and he could have been Kuroko, or the class monitor, who had on false lashes and lip gloss, or the class clown, who had water balloons down the front of his shirt. Most of their toppings involved copious amounts of chocolate or strawberry syrup and a dollop of whipped cream, and the girls handled making those with decorating the drinks, and everything was predictably overpriced. All things considered, it could have been worse for him, even given that Midorima had just shown up.

“Play nicely with the other children, Shin-chan,” said Takao, and deposited him at the Miracle table, patting him on the head before sliding into Kasamatsu’s discarded seat.

“That took a while,” said Ootsubo. Takao was smiling far, far too much for so early in time spent in their ace’s direct company, but the former captain supposed this was a special occasion.

“On the bright side,” said Takao, “He’s burned up all three selfish requests, so feel free to clock him the next thing he says which pisses you off.”

“Can I take your order?” said Kuroko.

“That would be everything he says,” said Kagami.

“Is that how you treat a paying customer?” said Midorima, who had three or four blow-up octopuses in varying sizes on his person. “I see you’re only a marginally better basketball player than service staff.”

“No,” said Aomine, who had not stopped stuffing his face since he sat down and smirked at Kagami, steadily depleting the books Momoi had had the foresight to buy with the contents of his wallet. “Credit where credit’s due, these things are pretty good. He’s a much better cook than basketball player.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” said Midorima.

“Midorin will have red bean on everything,” said Momoi to Kagami. “And Shiruko, if you have it. Third vending machine on the first floor, if you don’t.”

“I’m never going to forgive you for telling them about this,” he said to her. She batted her lashes at him.

“Ki-chan already sent the pictures he took to Muk-kun and Akashi-kun,” she said. “You have bigger things than me to worry about.”

All the blood drained from Kagami’s face. “Tatsuya has _Alex’s email address_ ,” he said.

“That guy that time?” said Kise. “He’ll definitely show it to his teammates. All his teammates. He’s already complaining that he can’t taste the sweets. You in a dress doesn’t matter to him so much as the desserts. So…be prepared to make him desserts the next time you see him.”

“You understand we’re done with basketball for the year, right,” said Kagami. “We’re done. You should all go away now. Never bother me until I have to see your face in a match. I did not sign up for this.”

“You can come to our ones too,” said Momoi. “Tetsu-kun’s definitely invited, we should all meet up and go. It’ll be fun.”

“We have a school festival?” said Aomine.

“Ours is next month,” said Momoi. “Sakurai-kun is very in-demand. I’ll send the rest of you the details.”

“I didn’t say I wanted to go,” said Midorima indignantly. “I didn’t even want to come to this one, Takao just-“

“HE DRAGGED US HERE,” yelled Takao over Midorima’s speech, and then went back to flirting with the server who was cooing over his hairband, one of the football team’s strikers with an unusual affinity for high heels.

“Someone stuff a crepe into Midorima’s face before he chokes himself,” said Kagami, passing the plate to Kuroko, who slid it in front of his ex-teammate with a sigh.


	2. Chapter 2

“Everyone’s _here_ ,” said Kiyoshi, massive in his yukata, his ghost makeup dreadful in the light of day. None of the other basketball club members was in 2-B with Kiyoshi, and thus there had been no one to warn them of their doom when Kiyoshi’s submitted choices- unwarily approved by his class- had been ‘Kissing Booth’ and ‘Haunted House’. Kagami and Kuroko had been hearing the screams drifting faintly down from above for the better part of the day.

Hyuuga shuddered right past him and dropped into a chair Kuroko put next to Riko, saying, “You could have stopped him. You possessed that power. _You could have stopped him_.”

“No one was forcing you to visit 2-B,” said Riko, who had in fact been very careful to familiarize herself with the house _before_ Kiyoshi got out of makeup and started on his shift. “Why didn’t you just go to Koganei-kun’s class? Mitobe-kun is cooking in the café there, it was pretty good.”

“Whose idea do you think it was to go to 2-B,” said Hyuuga. “Why the hell is the line for here so long, anyway, cross-dressing can’t that popular in Seirin. No one could possibly want to see Kagami in a dress.”

“Wrong on both counts,” said Imayoshi, and Hyuuga raised his head to look directly at the Miracle table and take in some of their fiercest rivals eating Kagami’s crepes and sitting together at tables bickering like children.

“Huh,” he said. “Well, that explains the screams of ‘SORRY’ I kept hearing in there. Your mushroom might be stuck in the haunted house.”

“Wakamatsu will get him,” said Imayoshi, supremely unconcerned. “That’s the good thing about having to graduate the team, you know- you’re no longer responsible for these _idiots_.”

“I bow to sempai’s infinite wisdom,” said Hyuuga drily.

“Ootsubo-san!” said Kiyoshi brightly. “This brings back memories, huh?”

“Thankfully, not that many,” he said, eyeing Kiyoshi with the mixture of alarm and resignation that everyone who spent any time whatsoever with Kiyoshi tended to adopt.

“Hanamiya sends his regrets,” said Imayoshi to Kiyoshi, crisply.

“Oh, he couldn’t make it?” said Kiyoshi. “What a shame.”

“What do you mean, _couldn’t make it_?” said Riko, dangerously.

“I invited him!” said Kiyoshi, looking surprised they wouldn’t have realized this. “I thought he might like to come, since his school isn’t that far away.”

“Are you an idiot?” said Hyuuga.

“He also wants to know how the hell you got his number,” said Imayoshi, delicately rolling up a piece around his marshmallow topping and skewering it, “But I’m afraid I couldn’t satisfy him on that count.”

“Well, we’ve known each other a long time,” said Kiyoshi, as if _tried to cripple me_ was the equivalent of a friendly nod in the hallways.

“You _idiot_ ,” said Hyuuga. “Do you have any idea how much weaponry is running around from the cosplay cafes? What if he came and we murdered him? Do you want us to go to jail?”

“But he would be _invited_ ,” said Kiyoshi. “Besides, Riko was saying, high attendance is good! And isn’t the festival fun? Right, guys?” To the table at large.

“I can’t speak for Kirisaki Dachi,” said Takao, “But just speaking on behalf of Midorima being crazy, why did you do this to us?”

“But I saw him just now,” said Kiyoshi, surprised. “And some of the rest of you: you looked like you were having fun!”

“Looks can be deceiving,” said Takao. “Mostly they can be deceiving when Midorima is playing all the games until he wins and girls won’t stop glaring at us and he’s making us spend all our money buying him more tries.”

“Did he win?” said Hyuuga. “We’ve got a baseball aiming game did he-“

“He won it,” said Takao.

“Class 3-A’s ring toss?”

“Won it.”

“3-C’s got some kind of guessing-“

“He won it.”

“What about 2-D’s basketball mini- what am I saying, he won it.”

“Usually Murasakibara-kun gets all of Midorima-kun’s snack prizes,” said Kuroko. “He never eats them himself.”

Hyuuga fell off his chair, and then climbed up, muttering to himself _we’re in his damn class and all his crazy friends are there why am I even still doing this_.

“He stocked up on potential lucky items,” said Takao to Kuroko, as Kuroko put his crepe before him and held out his hand for Takao to pay for both his and Midorima’s food. “And we can’t eat that much, we’d explode.”

Kuroko shrugged. “Give it to Kagami-kun,” he suggested. “Or Aomine-kun.”

“Aomine may already be on the verge of exploding,” said Imayoshi. “How many has he eaten?”

“No, he’s fine,” said Kuroko.

Riko put her head to the side, and said, “Hey, Imayoshi-kun.”

“Yes, Seirin’s coach?” said Imayoshi.

“How would you like to make sure Aomine-kun goes to more than five seconds of your practice next year?” she said.

“Thankfully, by that point it will absolutely none of my business,” said Imayoshi, “But speaking objectively…impossible.”

Riko’s eyes cut across to Kagami, leaning across the burner to wave his spatula in Midorima’s face. “I could think of a way,” she said, and sipped her iced tea.

“It’s rather a case of fire and gasoline, though,” said Imayoshi. “Oil and napalm. Other such uncomfortable metaphors.”

“I prefer to think of it as the marriage of two like minds,” said Riko.

“Very like,” said Imayoshi, and looked over to the Miracle table to meet Momoi’s raised eyebrow with a sheepish smile.

Momoi eyed Kagami and Aomine- currently arguing about whether or not  Aomine could actually order the Nike swoosh on his crepes while Kuroko dutifully tried to recreate it anyway- and shrugged at Imayoshi in one long elaborate movement, who nodded.

“Obviously,” said Imayoshi to Riko, “I could neither confirm nor deny any of this, as I have no more official power or involvement in Touou’s development.” He paused. “Officially.”

“Officially,” said Riko, “I think Momoi just said that she doesn’t care what you do, as long as I don’t care if she drags Kuroko-kun behind the gym or shows up at our practice in a bikini again. Which, you know what? I _actually don’t_. As long as Aomine-kun comes along.”

“Again?” said Kise, catching the tail end of that conversation. “Wait, what?”

Midorima muttered something that sounded like ‘don’t ask, don’t get attacked in the middle of class by a pink-haired monster’.

“Either Touou and Seirin are getting joint practices next year or he just proposed to her,” said Takao. “Or…they just arranged the marriage of Aomine and Kagami. It’s you guys, so I can’t be sure which.”

Hyuuga squinted a glare at Takao, but then Kiyoshi said, “Oh, that reminds me! Will we have camp together again next year? _That_ was fun.”

“No, it wasn’t,” said Midorima.

“No, it wasn’t,” said Kagami at almost exactly the same time, and they made amazingly horrible and childish faces at each other while Aomine and Kise sniggered.

Takao twinkled up at Kiyoshi. “Yeah,” he said. “That _was_ fun. We should totally do it again.”

“Please make him stop,” said Hyuuga leadenly to Ootsubo.

“I’m also retired,” he said, almost apologetically. “Those crazy people are no longer any of my business.”

“Next year I’m going to be manager,” said Kiyoshi brightly.

“I’m sure you’ll pep everyone up,” said Imayoshi.

“I should ask Momoi-chan for manager tips,” said Kiyoshi, thoughtfully.

Riko rolled her eyes and shoved her chair back, barking Kiyoshi in the shins, but not very hard. “I’m off to the gym,” she said. “Izuki-kun’s stand-up is soon, isn’t it? We should be there when he starts. I’ll pick up Nigou, too, and then I want to check the flow down at the courtyard. I’ll see you guys there, and collect Koganei-kun and Mitobe-kun on your way. Teppei, by all means solicit manager tips. See you in a bit.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever said this to you before,” said Imayoshi, watching Riko leave, casting sly glances to Hyuuga under his lids as he did so. “But that is an amazing woman.”

“Please feel free to never say such a thing ever again,” said Hyuuga. Kiyoshi petted his head.


	3. Chapter 3

“One of Akashi’s teammates wants to know if Kiyoshi-san is also wearing a dress,” reported Kise. “I’ve gotta say, I must have missed out on a lot that first year of middle school.”

“I used to assume the things the seniors wouldn’t let us see them looking at were dirty pictures of girls,” said Aomine, munching away. “Obviously now I know better.”

“Those were inappropriate things to be perusing within school grounds,” said Midorima, pushing up his glasses.

“I think he’s got Akashi’s phone from him,” Kise said. “I….I think he just grabbed it and now he’s sending pictures of Akashi trying to take it back from him. It’s…it’s hard for Akashi because Akashi’s not…as tall…” He stared at his phone, then passed it to Midorima. Kise stared off blankly into space (causing an explosion of squeals from the girls outside), trying to process it.

“Do these Uncrowned fuckers not know fear,” said Aomine, watching the play of emotions across Midorima’s face.

“Probably not,” said Kagami, who had an excellent view of Kiyoshi trying to have a heart-to-heart talk with Hyuuga about how his feelings were perfectly natural, and Riko would never stop being their coach or their friend, no matter who she went out with, or held hands with, or married, while Imayoshi and Takao carried on what seemed to a horrible and ultimately pointless competition of one-upmanship about whose Ace was more unreasonable and stupid. Ootsubo was once again muttering to himself. “Why don’t you all just go away? Go to other classes. Eat _their_ food. Annoy _their_ students.”

“But we’re waiting for your shift to be over,” said Momoi, sweetly.

“Kagamichi, we can’t go off and play without you,” Kise added, and then they sparkled at him in unison. _You’re not escaping that easily,_ their eyes said. _One of us. One of us_.

Kagami felt a chill go down his spine, but it was just Kuroko. “They’ve been looking forward to this,” he told Kagami. No one at all had appeared to notice the blue-and-white Alice costume they’d put Kuroko in, which, Kagami felt, was unfair, given that his own much less offensive knee-length plaid dress and matching kerchief covered by a totally inoffensive apron had been the subject of so much pointing and laughing. The girls had even managed to corner Kuroko, but not for very long, and so a light coat of red lipstick and shimmer face powder had smeared over the course of the day into slightly more colourful Kuroko, who despite all makeup, ribbons tied in hair and light blue frilly dresses, remained amazingly and resolutely a serious, athletic boy in a badly-fitted dress.

“I wasn’t,” said Midorima, primly wiping his mouth of whipped cream.

Kise and Kuroko eyed him with what Kagami could only call _intent_ , and then Kuroko said, “Well, then. You can stay here with Takao-kun while we go to the games stalls.”

Kise added, “Midorimacchi, you’ve already played and won all the games without us, right? You don’t need to come. We can all have fun without you.”

“We thought you came to support Kagami-kun and me, but obviously we were wrong,” said Kuroko, twisting the knife.

Midorima gaped like a beached fish. He began to make little noises as Aomine watched with interest to see if Midorima would explode.

“Tetsu-kun, Ki-chan,” murmured Momoi warningly, putting a loving, kind hand on Midorima’s arm, smiling up into his face, the support that had always been there for them all three years of battle. “If Midorin hates us and doesn’t want to spend this precious time of our high school lives with us, then surely there’s nothing we can do about it.”

Midorima _urk_ ed.

“I-“ said Takao. “I usually just… _make_ him go. Shin-chan doesn’t- he can’t-”

“Yes,” said Hyuuga, grimacing as he watched them file away, Midorima in their midst, and possibly dabbing tears onto Aomine’s shoulder. Kagami had Momoi on one arm and Kise on the other, trying to detach them, and failing. “Those were the masters at work.”

“Look well, look well, o wolves,” said Imayoshi, bemused.

“Juniors are so adorable,” said Kiyoshi, and beamed at all of them. “Ah, but Hyuuga, we’ve got to go see Izuki’s show! We can’t miss it!”

.0.

First they went around to all the games of the first floor, working their way around the stalls and negotiating the delicate balance of purpose and mayhem that arose whenever any of the Generation of Miracles were together for any amount of time doing any activity whatsoever, up to and including breathing. Kise and Momoi and even Aomine all joined in to flirt the game stall staff into letting Midorima stand there in their sight lecturing Kuroko on how to toss a ring over a soda bottle, Kise on how to aim without striking a pose _every damn time_ , and berate Aomine for using the basketball mini-game to do such unbelievable trick shots that crowds formed and made it hard to move.

“Midorima-kun enjoys festivals very much,” said Kuroko by way of explanation to Kagami, and when Kagami continued to make _I can’t believe you willingly hang out with this guy_ faces at him, shrugged, and looked instead at Kise biting the head off a taiyaki to Midorima’s consternation, Momoi rising up on her toes to nibble at a bit of it still sticking out of his mouth, Aomine’s arm snaking around Midorima’s shoulder to grab the tail.

As they moved around, they consumed a truly alarming amount of snacks and festival foods. Momoi and Kise would buy something, taste, and then drop it down Aomine’s gaping maw, which despite steadily consuming crepes for the better part of two hours apparently remained unsatisfied. Kagami had less such casual indirect kisses showered upon him: he gorged himself whole, causing Midorima to mutter statistics about choking and also dire warnings about Kagami’s horoscope for today.

“Keeping my temper is using up too much energy,” he said in answer to this.

“But aren’t you having fun?” said Kise sweetly, slyly, half-propped on Aomine’s shoulder, watching Momoi try her luck at the basketball mini-game and pinching Aomine very very hard every time he started to open his mouth, then getting elbowed for his trouble. Kuroko had his arms around Momoi and was showing her how to shoot with some cynicism and a certain amount of stomping hard on Aomine’s foot whenever he opened his mouth: her aim was better than Kuroko’s.

“Unwillingly,” said Kagami, and yanked a still-talking Midorima out of the way of a stack of boxes moving at high speed, pulled him in close by the shoulders and ignoring the affronted sniff. “You guys are a nightmare.”

“Ah,” said Kuroko, suddenly reminded. “Kiyoshi-sempai’s haunted house. We should go there.”

“I’m not very good with haunted houses,” said Momoi, and put her head on his chest, staring up into his eyes; the ribbon on his dress was soft against her cheek. “Tetsu-kun-“

“Momoi,” said Midorima. “I cannot believe you are so credulous as to believe in ghosts. It is only a matter of baseless superstition-“

Aomine and Kise exploded with comments on the hypocrisy of this statement, and even Kuroko flicked a quick disbelieving glance to Midorima’s stubborn face. Kagami opened another twelve-pack of takoyaki and sighed- they ‘d go anyway, they’d always planned to go, and why was there so much dithering that had to go on before they did anything, managed something, connected, spoke? The Generation of Miracles made everything complicated.

“We can not go,” said Kagami. “If you’re scared.”

“That level of taunt would only work on Aomine,” Midorima informed him, and then Aomine unsuccessfully tried to apply a headlock, thrown off by reflexes and positioning, and the fact that Midorima was a biter. They scuffled back and forth inelegantly.

“Go through without your lucky item,” said Kuroko. “If you’re not scared.”

“Kuroko,” Midorima tried to explain, digging his fingers into Aomine's face. “It was built this morning by a bunch of high school students,” he said. “There’s not going to be anything worth seeing in there, and certainly no such things as gh-” Aomine jabbed him in the throat, and gained the upper hand.

Kuroko snagged one octopus, and began to let the air out of it, slow, wheezing. “If you’re not,” he said, and left the rest of the words hanging in the air like the deflated corpse of the octopus hung from his hands. “Kiyoshi-sempai worked hard on it, though.”

“Bags me not stuck with Aominechi for a partner,” said Kise. “His fits are never any fun and he chokes you dragging you through.”

“You scream like a girl,” Aomine retorted.

“Tetsu-kun is mine,” said Momoi, as though any of them would challenge her on this, and glared cutely at them.

Kagami threw up his hands, and hurried to say, "I'll take Kise," and then waited to see how long it would be, before Aomine cottoned on that he was stuck with Midorima, and none of them would switch.


	4. Chapter 4

“You know,” said Kise, staring pensively at his phone. “I really like this friend of yours, Kagamichi. I should meet him sometime.”

“He lives in Akita,” said Kagami, which he was sure would not deter Kise one bit. “What are you doing mailing Tatsuya anyway?”

“Murasakibarachi wanted his phone back so he could browse the snack sites,” said Kise, as though that made any sense at all.

“Everything he’s telling you is lies,” said Kagami, which as a pre-emptive statement about any of his so-called friends, covered pretty much anything.

“Oh, so that hot American woman _wasn’t_ your foster mother, who used to make you two play basketball on the streets for profit and great justice? I’m shocked, Kagamichi. Shocked,” said Kise.

“What hot American woman,” said Aomine, attention caught back from 2-D’s cosplay café, and the girl in a push-up bra wearing Vocaloid cosplay. Momoi smacked his arm on principle.

As Kise began to tell a highly coloured version of their meeting, which Kagami decidedly did not remember involving Tatsuya bleeding all over the floor and the three of them about to dump Haizaki in Tokyo Bay wearing concrete shoes, Midorima adjusted his glasses and said, “I’m not surprised that any friend of his is a delinquent.”

“He gets along very well with Murasakibara-kun,” said Kuroko, stealing another octopus. The _and so do you_ was pointedly not aired, but Midorima took the hint and subsided long enough for Furihata and one of his classmates to stagger out of the haunted house, blinking frantically in the orange light coming in the windows.

“Hey,” said Kagami to him. “How was it?”

Furihata gaped at him, tried to speak, failed to speak, then waved his arms around expressively ending with seizing Kagami by the shoulders and patting him bracingly, as though commending his soul to a god.

“That bodes well,” said Kise, brightly, watching him stumble towards the stairs.

“Your new teammates are kind of nervy, aren’t they,” said Aomine to Kuroko. “High-strung.”

“Sakurai-kun,” retorted Kuroko, accurately.

Aomine grimaced. They’d spotted Sakurai and, to a lesser extent, Wakamatsu, being given soothing drinks and being petted- or at least, glared at and shouted at to man up while also hand-fed fruits- by Midorima’s sempai and Mitobe and Koganei back when they were in the part of the line adjacent to the café. Apparently Touou and Shuutoku could not go five minutes without some kind of one-upmanship about who suffered most with their ace, no matter what the circumstances, and so Aomine and Midorima had made themselves very small, or at least as small as their nearly two-meter, sleekly muscled frames would allow. Kuroko had blinked. Koganei-sempai had had on cat ears.

“Two by two,” said the girl manning the entrance, far too cheerfully for a person with her eye hanging out of her face. Someone in 2-B knew horror makeup and had clearly been lured into using their powers for evil and also domination of the Seirin School Festival.

“Here,” said Kuroko handing over the coupons as Momoi took his arm, and Aomine made a face and said, “Holy shit do we really have to do this? Let me rephrase that- I’m _not scared Tetsu shut up-_ do I really have to go through with _him_?”

Kuroko and Momoi shrugged as one and were ushered through the door, cruelly abandoning Aomine to his fate and also Midorima.

Midorima shifted his shoulders sullenly, clutched his sole remaining octopus and said, “I am not particularly enthused about accompanying you either.”

“Kagamichi,” said Kise winsomely, batting his eyelashes. “We might need to hold hands to keep track of each other while we’re in there. Don’t be shy, okay?”

Kagami rolled his eyes. “It’s a _classroom_ ,” he said.

“Definitely two,” the girl said, sighing dreamily up at them. Well, at Kise. The basketball club had gotten a little more popular since the Winter Cup, but Kagami felt that after having Kise around for hours, if he never heard another girl go into raptures again it would be too soon.

Howls and wails sounded through the walls, familiar after nearly twenty minutes in line. A scream echoed out the door.

“That…wasn’t Satsuki,” said Aomine. “Definitely wasn’t Tetsu.”

“No, _really_?” said Kagami.

“There are more than one pair in a time,” the girl said, and nodded to Kagami and Kise. “You two are next, right? Go in when the curtain opens.”

On cue, a black-clad hand pulled back the curtain and beckoned them through the door.

“It must be hot in that all day,” said Kise, apropos of nothing. “Let’s go, Kagamichi.”

For a moment until the curtain fell back over the door, Kagami saw the baleful, identical glares that Aomine and Midorima were directing to each other, and had to stifle a snicker.

.0.

Inside, it was dark and cool. The only light came from an abundance of glowsticks, tucked under props, stuck onto costumes, and thoughtfully marking out the route in a sequence of arrows, their neon brilliance muted by sheer darkness and a whole day of use into eerie incandescence.

“Convenient,” said Kagami. 

Out of the darkness materialized a white figure clad in yukata. It laid a finger across its lips and motioned for them to go on.

Kagami bit back an expletive and took Kise by the elbow. Dammit, he wasn’t used to Japanese ghosts. Somehow they were way creepier than just some guy in a sheet or cheap plastic fangs dripping with drool and fake blood. White noise buzzed in his ears, coming from all directions, mingling with various spooky noises and the intermittent howls.

They walked what Kagami judged to be half of the way and Kagami felt better. This wasn’t much of anything, yeah. Sure, they were really… really into it, and their costumes were very detailed and Kagami _wasn’t_ clutching Kise’s hand, but it was dark and no one could see them doing it and Kise’s own grip on his was reassuringly clammy and their shoulders kept knocking because both of them refused to walk last.

They were going to get through this. They were.

And then there was a scream from… behind them. They froze in their tracks and realized they could only see the far-off glow of the next marker, but nothing else.

“ _I_ scream like a girl,” muttered Kise. "Sure, _I_ scream like a girl." The howls up ahead- or beside them?- sounded again and again.

And then Kagami heard it. _That_.

"Oh, no," he said.

"Kagamichi?" said Kise. He didn't yet understand the danger. "What's wrong?"

The noise sounded again. Where was it coming from? It was the damn walls and echoes in this place. He couldn't _see_. The glow sticks had been dim when they started and after a few atmospherically lit exhibits were now almost non-existent. The white noise continued to buzz in his ears, supplemented now by the rattle of wooden beads and- and- _that_.

"We have to get out of here," said Kagami. His grip tightened on Kise's hand, and he began to drag them both towards the exit, ignoring Kise's yelp of pain as he barked his shins on a table, another table, the corner of a 'wall'. Nearly there. They were nearly there.

Kagami could see the door with its collection of attendants bowing to them and whispering farewells, reaching out with their bloody hands to drag at them and ‘keep’ them from leaving. He barreled past them, Kise making apologies as they went, and tried the door. It wouldn’t open. It _wouldn’t open_ what was happening _why wasn’t it opening_?

A spectacle in horrible shadow and light, massive and menacing, popped out of the pool of darkness; it was holding the  door shut, and said, in what Kiyoshi clearly thought was a spooky voice, "Leaving so soon?"

"Gah!" said Kise, shrinking against Kagami's back. Kagami frantically tried to wrench open the door with the full weight of his sempai upon it, he didn't have any time to spare on that, _it was coming_ , it was coming closer-

Barking delightedly, Nigou ran over Kagami's foot.

"AHHHHHHH," he yelled.

"The devil dogs are hungry!" Kiyoshi announced, grinning. Around them, the rest of the ghosts sent up a chorus of howls.

“What?” said Kise. “What dogs?”

"DOGS?" said Kagami. There was another yap. And another. They'd been coming from all directions. There was more than one.

A warm furry body brushed against his knee. And another. And- Nigou's favorite trick, to dance in between his feet, but those were other dogs _there were other dogs_ , and Kagami was pounding on the door now, let him out, _LET HIM OUT_ -

Kiyoshi tripped over a dog and the door slammed open, spilling Kagami out flat onto his face under Momoi and Kuroko's respectively astonished and blank expressions. Kise, dragged down by their still linked hands, fell onto Kagami, putting bruises all over Kagami's chest with his bony elbows. Nigou swarmed out- to Kiyoshi's cry of "Bad dog!"- to climb over Kise, jump on Kagami's chest and lick his face.

Nigou yapped excitedly. In the doorway, the other two dogs were corralled by their owners, standing sentry over the exit so that they couldn't escape. They yipped and wiggled furiously. They had on trains of rattlers that skidded over the floor noisily and randomly, and between the blanket of white noise and their barks, they made very effective ‘ghosts’.

"...Good dog," said Kuroko.

Nigou sat, and wagged his tail.

.0.

"Kagamin you poor baby," said Momoi, wiping his brow with a handkerchief. Kise made mournful noises about his bruised shins to Aomine and Midorima, both of whom were bone-white- at least, as much as Aomine could be- and refused to speak about what they'd gone through in there. They'd been far enough behind that Kagami's ruckus had passed unnoticed, also because they were making enough noise to wake the dead.

The apparent last straw had been when a dog decided that Midorima's very last octopus resembled one of its favorite chew toys, and snatched it from his loose fingers. Even now, they twitched as he recalled the exact sensation of his lucky item being wrenched from his hand, and then a wet tongue licked over the exposed part of his fingers. He’d screamed. Aomine had panicked.

It had only gotten more embarrassing from there, mostly because Kiyoshi, Kise and Momoi had collectively decided that Kagami had suffered enough and was a poor baby, and then deposited them all at 2-D’s café to recuperate. _They_ received no such sympathy.

“Why did we go into the haunted house again,” said Aomine with his head on the table, eyes dead.

“To see Nigou, of course,” said Kuroko. Nigou had run right back into the dark cool place full of treats and screaming people, to Kuroko’s un-evident disappointment.

“Kuroko _I’m going to kill you_ _you knew he was in there and you still let me go in_ ,” said Kagami.

“Nigou is _our_ team dog,” said Kuroko, with a shade of apology, and also contempt. “I didn’t know that the sempai would volunteer some of their own dogs as well.”

“Nice gimmick, though,” said Kise. “Kurokochi, _I_ was terrified.”

Kuroko ignored this.

“Why do you even _have_ a team dog,” sulked Midorima.

“I’m assuming, because having one of you Teikou guys wasn’t complicated enough,” said Miyaji. “Please say you’ve been less awful than usual today.”

“I’m not a dog,” said Midorima, forgetting himself enough to glare at his sempai.

“A dog would be better trained,” said Miyaji.

“Hell, if we could put Aomine on a leash,” said Wakamatsu.

“Leave me out of this,” said Aomine grumpily. “Ryou, get me a drink.”

“B-but- I’m almost out of coupo-“ he stammered.

Momoi reached into her pocket and produced a remaining sad half a book. She directed meaningful looks around the table and they pooled their tickets in the center.

“Drinks for everyone,” she said, to Koganei.

“Right, drinks for everyone, Momoi-chan,” said Koganei, grinning. 2-D had been doing a brisk business in mopping up 2-B’s terribly traumatised customers, mostly because people in adorable cutesy cat ears were the perfect salve to being hunted through the darkness by wild yapping underbred wolves. 

Momoi rested her head on Kuroko’s shoulder, and sighed happily. “That was fun,” she said.

“Yes,” said Kuroko, and turned his head to look at everyone else, sipping hot chocolates for consolation, her hair brushing his nose, and her weight warm against him. 

“We should do this again,” said Kise, taking his cue.

And Kuroko said, “Yes.”

Midorima, Aomine and Kagami all snarled, “ _No_.”

 

 

~Omake~

Requested by redskies previously, and reposted here for lols.

 

Touou's school festival dawns, and Kagami doesn't want to fall deeper into the web of being one of the crazy people, but apparently Sakurai cooks like a goddess and Momoi has all his avenues of contact and if he doesn't go Kuroko will find a way to _make him pay_. Plus, he's pretty sure that even Aomine can't escape the clutches of abject humiliation in the name of school spirit.  
  
Abject humiliation, in this case, apparently includes being perched in the window of his classroom not allowed to wear a shirt.  
  
Kuroko turns his face to the wall with laughing.  
  
"Tetsu, I'll kill you," snarls Aomine. "I'm _cold_."  
  
"Poor baby," coos a serving girl, but takes up the spray bottle and spritzers Aomine again, so that water drips off his chin, collects in the hollow of his collarbone, beads down the planes of his chest.  
  
A group of girls behind Kagami squeak. Aomine breaks off his sulk to smirk at them, but when he opens his mouth Momoi smacks him.   
  
"No talking to customers," she says, sweetly.  
  
"This isn't even your _class_ ," he whines.  
  
"I'm on loan," says Momoi, serenely, looks wistfully at the spray bottle. She looks incredible, and her and Aomine together framed in the window were all the draw the class stall needed. Kagami doesn't even care what's going on in there- though it does smell delicious. He'd go in anyway.  
  
"Aominechi," says Kise, still shaking with laughter, "It's so nice to see they know how to play to your str- your- streng- ahahahaha god I can't stop Kagamichi hold me up I'm dying."  
  
"That can be arranged," snarls Aomine, but then there's a flash and who took that? Who- wait. Duh.  
  
"Who wants the copies?" says Kuroko calmly.  
  
"Are you kidding me?" says Kise, gasping for breath as he peeks over Kuroko's shoulder. "I'm going to have this shit framed. Let's get a group, too."  
  
Aomine lunges.  
  
"Go the fuck in and buy something," Aomine says, when all his efforts to wrest the camera from Kuroko end in vile and utter despair, defeated. "I'm not putting on a free show."

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by my ur-text [Femininity](http://archiveofourown.org/works/131829) by [sica](http://sicariorum.tumblr.com/), and this is a scene referred to earlier in this fic. Takes place in Kiyoshi's second year of Junior High, PREQUEL BIT, posted for completions, first posted [here](http://basketballpoetsociety.tumblr.com/post/44418427442/challenge-8-kiyoshi-akashi) in BPS for Worst Zodiac Compatibility.

Coupons exchanged hands, and Kiyoshi offered his face forward for yet another kiss with a glint in his magenta-shadowed eye and a grin on his painted lips.

“Mou, Kiyoshi-kun, don’t  _stare_ ,” said the soccer club’s manager. Kiyoshi obediently closed his eyes, but there remained a sense of glint about his proffered expression nevertheless. She pressed her shining lips to his to the  _ooohs_  of the basketball club, curling one small hand around his elbow to keep steady.

Someone had really had a  _great idea_  when they’d suggested that the captain of their basketball team should play host to a kissing booth while wearing a dress and makeup- particularly since it was open-invite, and the girl’s school down the road were not just allowed but encouraged to come in the spirit of general charity and good clean wholesome fun. Kiyoshi only wished he had thought of the idea himself. Really quite lovely girls who’d never have come here otherwise were darting over to first giggle and then, daringly, hand over their coupons for a bit of side-action with the nationally-ranked basketball team. The girl’s basketball team was a doing a respectable sideline in their own booth, but crucially, had declined to be stationed anywhere near the boys.

Kiyoshi had abandoned the- really quite terrible- wig to the heat of the day, and his makeup had melted and been reapplied three times, usually by giggling customers, who paid extra to hold his face and sit in his lap while they brushed shimmer over his cheekbones or admired how the long sleeve of the dress tightened around his bicep when he flexed it.

He wiped his mouth and then leaned forward to greet another customer, who stepped up to the booth holding a coupon book and a sheet of paper, his jaw clenched tight.

Wait, his? Kiyoshi looked at the vision in a blue sun-dress and white cardigan and long dark hair, and then recognized the sharp line of the nose, the tilt of the chin, the cold and expressionless stare, the Teikou Basketball player staring determinedly off into the middle distance without looking at his vice-captain Akashi Seijuuro, standing in front of Shouei Basketball Club’s cross-dressing kissing booth dressed in girl’s clothes and asking, in quite flat and dead tones, for one of them to give him a kiss.

Kiyoshi stood. Akashi Seijuuro’s eyes narrowed as he tracked Kiyoshi’s head rising. He was wearing boy’s dress shoes, quite flat, and Kiyoshi was struck again by how  _young_  Teikou’s famous first-year vice-captain was, how young they all were, how different off the court and on it. Akashi passed quite easily for a girl; Kiyoshi, in his bright yellow frock, did not even try.

Akashi flapped the paper once again. “Please,” he recited, in the same icy tones, “Give me a kiss.”

Kiyoshi took the paper. It was a handwritten sheet, full of actions which has been signed ‘WITNESSED’ by someone not Akashi Seijuuro, and on the list, explaining possibly everything, was ‘get a kiss from Shouei’s captain at their booth’. Other tidbits were ‘dress as a girl to get in’, ‘eat ten takoyaki in three minutes’ and ‘four first-place prizes from booths of your choice’. Kiyoshi immediately understood. Akashi-kun was clearly being hazed. Sempai were assholes everywhere; it was the right of seniority. Why, he remembered being made a regular- the paint had been everywhere for  _week_ s _._

He looked down at Akashi’s face, at the sweating Teikou third-year, down at the paper, then right into Akashi’s eyes. Kiyoshi returned the paper, which Akashi took wordlessly. He took the offered coupons and passed them to his shooting guard, acting as treasurer. He reapplied his lipstick.

Then he lifted Akashi’s hand and smooched the paper right over the relevant item on the list. “Thanks for the business,” Kiyoshi said cheerfully. “Here you go!”

One of Akashi’s rather perfect eyebrows lifted and then settled. “Thank you,” he said, and looked Kiyoshi up and down. “That is a very nice dress, Iron Heart,” he added, and then was gone.

**Author's Note:**

> Look, I just started a few back-and-forths but then no one would stop talking and they kept showing up and Hyuuga and Kiyoshi haven't even dropped in yet and I can't even imagine how much they've eaten by now, but STOP JUDGING ME OKAY.


End file.
